she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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