Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize