I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
