you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
