I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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