Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
