You're my little dorito
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize