I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
