At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
