I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
