if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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