mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
