I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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