I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
