So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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