a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
