apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
