she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
