I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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