a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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