Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
we should paint friendship bongs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
