I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
