matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
