I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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