One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
