How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
