I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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