So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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