party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
