just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize