yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
