remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
