shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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