I need help removing her.
Where is the hickey?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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