I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
