Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
