dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
