they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
