Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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