we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
