I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My bed smells like the plague
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
