he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
