I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
