u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
