im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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