YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
