your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
