Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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