Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize