if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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