I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
