Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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