he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
