My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just google imaged poop.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
