I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
