my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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