I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
