I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
