There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
