Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
