he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
