You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
