____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and she was petting her beer can
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
