I am spending my child support on dildos
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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