I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had to cum in my sink.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
