That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
