Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
