We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
