You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
