....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize