so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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