you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
