ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
