atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
