I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
