i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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