if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize