did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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